Do You Feel Guilty for Sleeping?
Why your tired body may be telling the truth about grace.
Sleep is a delicate subject in my house. Each member of my family has a unique relationship with Mr. Sandman. We just got back from a family trip to Savannah, Georgia. It was a lot of fun, by the way. Lindsay got us an Airbnb on the top floor of a converted city home. After climbing its 50 antique steps, my family of four had the choice of two bedrooms. Though it went without saying, Lindsay declared, “CC and I are taking this room. Cora, you and Dad are in that one.”
What can separate a husband from his wife? Sleep.
CC gets an A+ for her ability to sleep anywhere at any time. On the trip, she slept nearly inverted, curled upside down in the minivan’s captain’s chair. Cora is more like me. We both want to stay awake until the last possible moment. Though I don’t know her inner motivation, I can say that I don’t want to sleep because if I do, I know I’ll have to wake up. And waking up means work. And work… is… always great and I can’t wait to go! So maybe Cora is like me, staying up to soak the last drop of evening entertainment before crashing down into the night’s cold grip.
Lindsay values sleep more than anyone else in our family. We’ve literally invested thousands of dollars in sleep management. Before marriage, honestly, I don’t remember ever buying a mattress. But after 18 blissful years, I think we’ve purchased four or five. Here’s why:
In year one, full of love, we slept in a full bed. A FULL bed. As a newlywed, I imagined that my wife wanted me to hold her as we slept peacefully in each other’s arms. That was, in fact, a dream. The only thing I was holding onto was the edge of the bed to keep from falling off.
A few years later, Lindsay’s parents bought us a queen bed, which I suspect was their way of thanking us for giving them their first grandchild. Cora entered the world prepackaged with a white-noise machine. For the first few nights, we snugly settled her into a bassinet at the foot of our nice new bed. But it didn’t take us long to realize that colic would shape much of her infancy. Sorry to tell you this, girl, but for nearly a year, you and I slept in the basement while Momma got the rest she needed.
So began my single greatest contribution to my family’s life to date. I was formally chosen by the will of the Lord to stay up with all sleepless children. I might not know how to tie a ponytail without the use of a vacuum cleaner, but Lord knows, I can stay up with my kids. I know exactly which shows to watch and where the yuck bucket is located. I’ve cleaned more messes at 12 at night than I ever have at 12 noon.
Since having kids, Lindsay and I have never been the same. Our kids may have left the room, but their sound machines and fans have stayed put. And Lindsay and I have grown further apart, literally. Now we sleep on a king. Her Highness also constructed an impenetrable pillow wall, with royal decrees for trespassing that include such language as “upon pain of death.” Now she talks in her sleep with random cries of, “Halt! Who goes there!”
Our latest installment of sleep security is called the BedJet. Attached is a picture of our bed, and yes, it looks like we sleep in a rocket ship. It features 20 different fan speeds for both hot and cold air and can circulate over 100 cubic feet of air per minute. Prepare for ignition… Dreamland in 10, 9, 8…
Adults need around 7 to 9 hours of sleep a night. Preschoolers need even more, somewhere around 10 to 13 hours. Depending on your lifetime, that means you can sleep somewhere between 20 and 30 years. Let that sink in. Imagine sleeping until you are 30 years old. Sleep takes up nearly 30% of your life.
So, you can stop judging the BedJet… money well spent, y’all.
With the sheer amount of time we spend with our eyes closed, passages like this have more impact:
“[The Lord] will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.” Psalm 121:3–4
God is always awake. Always watchful. He is 24/7, 365. As the psalm continues, “The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.” (v. 8)
The Lord keeps His people forever and never slumbers. He stays awake so that you can sleep.
Sleep, it seems, is a mark of our humanity. And maybe a gift. Scientists still do not understand everything sleep does, but they know it is not wasted time. While we sleep, the brain and body remain remarkably active. Our siesta helps memory, restores the body, supports the immune system, and even helps clear waste from the brain. In other words, we are designed to rest.
James Bryan Smith writes, “You cannot force your body to sleep. Sleep is an act of surrender. It is a declaration of trust. It is admitting that we are not God (who never sleeps), and that is good news. We cannot make ourselves sleep, but we can [only] create the conditions necessary for sleep.”
Why would God create natural weaknesses within us? Human technology is built to run continuously, sometimes nonstop. We expect 24/7 stores, around-the-clock customer service, instant replies, and machines that never rest. But human beings are not machines. In fact, we are so dependent on sleep that sustained deprivation has long been used as a method of torture. Sleeplessness can unravel the body, mind, and will.
So none of us needs to feel ashamed of feeling weary, worn out, or exhausted. You were not created to remain awake, available, productive, and strong at all times. God said to Paul, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” And Calvin said, “Men have no taste for [God’s power] till they are convinced of their need of it, and they immediately forget its value unless they are continually reminded by awareness of their own weakness.” Isn’t sleep one of the many ways God constantly reminds us of our need for Him?
We have believed a false gospel. In God’s name, you’ve heard that weakness will not be tolerated. That God is the great drill sergeant in the sky. But exhaustion is not holiness, and constant motion is not faithfulness. So if your life never stops, you may be worshiping the gods of this world. Jerry Bridges says that in our sin, “we abhor weakness and glory in self-sufficiency.” So we curse God for our brittle bodies and, even more, our needy souls.
Tonight, I will kiss CC and watch her fall asleep instantly. I will peek into Cora’s room and see her drawing in bed. And I’ll wait on the couch for an hour until Lindsay is fast asleep. Tired, I’ll tiptoe to my side of the bed, praying that I don’t make any noise. And with my eyes closed, I thank God for the comfy King bed, the BedJet set to turbo, the white noise, the 18-inch fan, and the great wall of pillows that protects my wife from my phantom night spasms. Because God decreed long ago, we all need our sleep.
Admit it! You are tired and need to go to bed. But as a child of God, you can rest assured: your Father is always awake, and your weakness is designed to receive His strength. God has set your limits, and Christ is with us forevermore.
I regret nothing.
I resonate with everything.
Truly: you and my Chip should compare notes. Unfortunately for him, our girls were toddlers (at the apex season of wake-ups—yes, worse than infancy). Thank you for the deep look at our very human need for rest. Worth doubling down on the fact that he designed us for rest!
(And: what the heck! That Bed.let thing is a monster. Chip and I are still in low-tech mode of different mattresses (each of us has our own single mattress, and there is a 2” height difference), deep brown noise, and (revolutionary to our sleep) his CPAP machine. Ah, sleep!!!